If you are looking for a job that will make you laugh daily, then nothing beats teaching children English as a second language.
My students and I have had our fair share of lost in translation moments. Sometimes they don’t understand me, and a lot of times I don’t understand them. There have been funny English essays where my students come off sounding like blood-thirsty vampires, and class discussions that made my mouth drop and then laugh out loud at their lack of political correctness.
Here’s a sampling of what’s been going on in my classes over the past few months. I must admit, I’m starting to feel a bit sentimental about some of my students now that I only have a few more weeks left with them.
Me: What did you do this weekend?
Student: Sleep with my friend.
Me: What?
Student: Me and my friend sleep together.
Me: Ohhh, you mean you had a pajama party?
Me: What did you do this weekend?
Student: Breed.
Me: What?!
Student: I breed. (Inhales and exhales.)
Me: Oh, you breathed…
Me: What did you do this weekend?
Student: I can’t play Starcraft! It’s very serious! It’s my life!
Me: Okaaay…
Me: What would you name the baby? How about Gigi?
(Class erupts in laughter.)
Me: What? You don’t like the name Gigi? It’s from a movie.
Students: Gigi means this. (Points at his chest.)
Me: Ohhhh, boobs?! Okay, not Gigi.
Student: (Hands me a sticker with two smurfs.)
Teacher, this is you and Sam.
Me: So, we are done with the lesson. What do you want to do next?
Student: Go hooome! I pay you. How much you want?
Me: What’s the answer for exercise ‘i’.
Student: I farted.
Me: You what?!
Student: Answer ‘i’. Farted.
Me: You mean forty? Guys, the answer for ‘i’ is forty…
Me: What do you think about the hill tribes? Do you like their long necks?
Student: Teacher you are stretch neck. You are giraffe.
Student: Puta!
Me: What?! (Are these kids now swearing at me in Spanish?!)
Student: (Makes hand gesture like Buddha.) Buddha. You are my Buddha.
Me: Oh, thanks…
Me: If you could be any animal, what would you be?
Student: A vulture.
Me: A vulture? But vultures eat dead animals.
Student: Yeah, I know.
Student: Aaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhh!!!
Me: Mary! Why are you screaming?
Student: It’s good condition. (Cheesy grin.)
Me: Let’s keep reading Mr. Popper’s Penguins.
Student 1: Eeek! He just said something dirty.
Student 2: Teacher, this penguin, is it boy or girl? I don’t see his…
(Points down there.)
Me: Do you know the name of the president of the United States?
Student 1: Obama.
Student 2: Ah, black face. He Jamaica man.
Me: (Thinking: Hmm, Trump would argue Kenya on that one…)
Me: Can jewelry be a sign of wealth?
Student: That’s princess disease. (Shakes head.)
Me: Can you describe some Korean physical attributes?
Student: Kimchi smell!
Me: What did you eat for lunch?
Student: Fish and lice.
Me: You mean rice?
Student: Yes, lice.
Me: Let’s repeat ‘Rrrrrice’.
Student: Lice.
Me: (Sigh.)
Student: Teacha, I study very well. One more candy. Sad my life.
Me: What would you like to do in New York City?
Student 1: Break the free girl.
Me: Break the who?
Student 1: (Stands like the Statue of Liberty.) The free girl.
Me: You want to break the Statue of Liberty?
Student 1: Yes!
Me: Okaaaay, you over there, what would you do?
Student 2: Go to bars.
Here’s a previous post with more funny English conversations from earlier in the year.
Anyone else teaching English out there?
What are some of the most brilliant things your students have said lately?
Student: Go hooome! I pay you. How much you want? – LOLOLOL =)) if only you’re allowed to videotape them as the utter these lines lol
He didn’t even offer me that much! Just the equivalent of $1 to finish the class early, haha
Oh, kids. They’re brutally honest and hilarious under normal circumstances, but add in the language barrier and it gets a little ridiculous. Just today:
Student: Have you ever been to Thailand?
Me: Umm…I’m in Thailand
Student: You from Canada. Go home! Go home to Canada.
Hahaha! Thats funny,
I guess they want a break? A very looong break…
Audrey this made me laugh so much! You obviously have a bunch of really creative students 😉
I know! I’m going to miss their random comments and remarks once I leave!
I love this, it’s hilarious!! My friend had one similar to the Gigi accident. They were playing an energizer game with all students from Eastern Europe, and the words ended by “hui”, as in hey or whoo or whatever. The students, all about 16 years old, thought the game to be *very* funny. Not until the end of the week-long seminar did my friend find out that “chuj” is a slang word for male genitalia in almost every Slavic language. Oh well… 🙂
That’s pretty funny! I like how they kept the joke to themselves till the very end of the seminar… 😉
This stuff is quality. I love it. What age do you teach? I get to Korea next month and this makes me SO excited to start teaching. I hope my kids say things half this funny. 😉
I’m sure they will be a fun bunch! I’ve been teaching students at the elementary level. 🙂
I had a good laugh! Reminded me of teaching French. Lots of the shit my students said would be lost in translation for my blog though, but trust me, we had our moments 😆
This is brilliant Audrey!
I spent 9 months studying in Spain so the “puta” thing really got me cracking up. Reminds me of all the stories I heard from my friends and teachers – I’ll share some of the best here:
#1. Student in bar attempts to order a glass of beer: “Un coño por favor.”
#2. Teacher asks Korean student what she misses most about home. After careful deliberation, she announces (while forgetting her plurals), “El baño público!”
#3. American student runs into class and loudly proclaims: “Estoy caliente, me he corrido mucho!!”
Those are funny! I especially like #2, she must have been referring to the jjimjilbang. 😀
Really funny stuff. Made me miss my Korean students.
I once had a female student wear a jacket that said “Marijuana Pickers, Local 420”. That made me laugh pretty hard.
I’ve noticed high school kids wearing hoodies with some pretty strong language, and sometimes I wonder if they even know what the writing means!
Literally read this standing outside my night class (surrounded by students I do not know) and I was laughing my arse off!!! Like, OUT LOUD, OOOUUUT LOUUUD! This was so funny. You’re students are quite sexual for their age :/ no?
Keep ’em coming!
They really are! All of these kids are between 7-12 years old!
ROFL!!! That’s some great stuff… Reminds me of when I was a kid in school in Miami. We had tons of kids in ESL classes leaning English because Spanish was their first language. They would say some crazy sh!t sometimes! Keep ’em coming!
LOL…. this is definitely worthy and hilarious post, I never felt so happy before reading your students conversation with you! Their Innocence and your intelligence and the moments in which you have no Answers is definitely worth to watch and feel! Teacher.. if you don’t mind… would you allow me to be your student? 😉 Thanks
It sure is an entertaining job. 😉 I never know what to expect when I walk into a class. It could tank or be pure magic!
Loved this article…
Now imagine me living and interacting with a country of 22 official languages & 300 dialects 😀
That must make for some interesting communication… 😉
have u been to India? Just imagine you being a foreigner in your own country.
Its fun and sometimes frustrating too 🙂
Oh gosh – you can’t make this shit up. You should do a post on test answers next…
Question: What does Teacher Alana look like?
Answers received:
“She look like rabbit”
“She is butifol”
“She have big nose”
“I don’t know”
Haha, I like their observations! I haven’t gotten ‘rabbit’ from my students, but they did tell me I look like a cat… I’m going to try to take that as a compliment… 😉
These are amazing. Wanting to be a vulture?! Hilarious. Disgusting, yes, but hilarious.
And I haven’t forgotten you. I am just useless – I’ll get there x
LOL!
Hilarious:-)
This is hilarious!! I never considered myself to become a teacher one day, but I’m just revising that option – It sounds like such a fun job 🙂 Awesome post, Audrey!
It has been a lot of fun doing it for a year. I never thought I’d want to teach long term either, but coming to Korea has made me reconsider. 😉
“I farted” is the best one!
I love it! Teaching English is such a great job for so many reasons…the laughter is such a bonus. I’m teaching in China and my students also say some hilarious shit!
Thanks for the post 🙂
There’s a post idea! I’d love to hear what your students in China say! 😀
do you know how much I am laughing right now? hahahaha haaahahah this is just so awesome! I know how you feel…I once had a korean student and I absolutely know what you feel.
Haha I tried to pick my favorite, but they are so many gems in there. I like “I farted”, “Kimchi smell”, and “One Piece of Candy. Sad my Life” the best. I’m working on my TESOL now and if teaching english is this funny on a daily bases I can hardly wait.
Wherever you end up teaching, I’m sure it’ll be a blast! My students make me laugh on a daily basis. 🙂
Haha these are so funny, sounds like you’re having a lot of fun with your students 🙂
These are really cute!
This made me laugh so much! I’m actually going to Korea for my first job as an ESL teacher, and after reading this, I’m really looking forward to it.
Thanks for sharing!
“Go hooome! I pay you. How much you want?” – Hahahahaha, this made me laugh a lot. I love teaching English. Even to adults here it’s a scream a minute.
Awesome, I have also found it that the more Korean you know, the more you understand why they make these mistakes.
Can you believe I once found a book about learning English, in a market in Daejeon, which had actually misspelled the word “English” on the cover!
Hey Audrey! Those are some funny banters you’ve had with your students. I used to tutor Korean students in English for about 5 years and I would say those were extremely fun and memorable years.
I distinctively remembered one student recalling a story of how he was “blooding” after a fall and another girl reading “exclamation” as “ex-clah-mah-tee-onn”.
They have all since gone on to high school in Singapore and are doing extremely well, even using English as their first language! So proud of them!
Hehe, they were certainly an entertaining little bunch. I miss them now. That’s nice to hear that some of your students went on to study in English. I had a few students who were set on studying in America, so hopefully some of them get there. 🙂
Ahhh haha these are great!!! How old were your students? My favorite one was when a student pointed to a little dog and said, “It’s POOPY!” Thanks for making me laugh 😀
This is so funny! Your post brings back a lot of memories of my teaching experience in Korea!