S#!t My Korean Students Say

If you are looking for a job that will make you laugh daily, then nothing beats teaching children English as a second language.

My students and I have had our fair share of lost in translation moments. Sometimes they don’t understand me, and a lot of times I don’t understand them. There have been funny English essays where my students come off sounding like blood-thirsty vampires, and class discussions that made my mouth drop and then laugh out loud at their lack of political correctness.

Here’s a sampling of what’s been going on in my classes over the past few months. I must admit, I’m starting to feel a bit sentimental about some of my students now that I only have a few more weeks left with them.

Me: What did you do this weekend?
Student: Sleep with my friend.
Me: What?
Student: Me and my friend sleep together.
Me: Ohhh, you mean you had a pajama party?

Me: What did you do this weekend?
Student: Breed.
Me: What?!
Student: I breed. (Inhales and exhales.)
Me: Oh, you breathed…

Me: What did you do this weekend?
Student: I can’t play Starcraft! It’s very serious! It’s my life!
Me: Okaaay…

Me: What would you name the baby? How about Gigi?
(Class erupts in laughter.)
Me: What? You don’t like the name Gigi? It’s from a movie.
Students:ย Gigi means this. (Points at his chest.)
Me: Ohhhh, boobs?! Okay, not Gigi.

Student: (Hands me a sticker with two smurfs.)
Teacher, this is you and Sam.

smurf-couple-kissing

Me: So, we are done with the lesson. What do you want to do next?
Student: Go hooome! I pay you. How much you want?

Me: What’s the answer for exercise ‘i’.
Student: I farted.
Me: You what?!
Student: Answer ‘i’. Farted.
Me: You mean forty? Guys, the answer for ‘i’ is forty…

Me: What do you think about the hill tribes? Do you like their long necks?
Student: Teacher you are stretch neck. You are giraffe.

Student: Puta!
Me: What?! (Are these kids now swearing at me in Spanish?!)
Student: (Makes hand gesture like Buddha.) Buddha. You are my Buddha.
Me: Oh, thanks…

Me: If you could be any animal, what would you be?
Student: A vulture.
Me: A vulture? But vultures eat dead animals.
Student: Yeah, I know.

Student: Aaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhh!!!
Me: Mary! Why are you screaming?
Student: It’s good condition. (Cheesy grin.)

Me: Let’s keep reading Mr. Popper’s Penguins.
Student 1: Eeek! He just said something dirty.
Student 2: Teacher, this penguin, is it boy or girl? I don’t see his…
(Points down there.)

Me: Do you know the name of the president of the United States?
Student 1: Obama.
Student 2: Ah, black face. He Jamaica man.
Me: (Thinking: Hmm, Trump would argue Kenya on that one…)

Me: Can jewelry be a sign of wealth?
Student: That’s princess disease. (Shakes head.)

Me: Can you describe some Korean physical attributes?
Student: Kimchi smell!

Me: What did you eat for lunch?
Student: Fish and lice.
Me: You mean rice?
Student: Yes, lice.
Me: Let’s repeat ‘Rrrrrice’.
Student: Lice.
Me: (Sigh.)

Student: Teacha, I study very well. One more candy. Sad my life.

Me: What would you like to do in New York City?
Student 1: Break the free girl.
Me: Break the who?
Student 1: (Stands like the Statue of Liberty.) The free girl.
Me: You want to break the Statue of Liberty?
Student 1: Yes!
Me: Okaaaay, you over there, what would you do?
Student 2: Go to bars.

Here’s a previous post with more funny English conversations from earlier in the year.

Anyone else teaching English out there?
What are some of the most brilliant things your students have said lately?

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